Thursday, March 30, 2006

WedMar30 Man, I Can Be SHIT! Only Occasionally Though...

Poor show tonight. Must try harder. But hey, it's still better than... no, I'm not picking any more fights.

I'm off to Sligo town this weekend to see my ma (yes, yes - get the jokes in now) graduate from the college course she's been doing the past couple of years. So that means I'm not on the radio again til Monday night - but never fear: Tracey Lee will be filling-in. I hope I spelled her name right, otherwise she'll kick my head in.

Now listen you lot: be good to her. She's a Blast virgin so be gentle. I don't know why Floody can't do it. I think he's off horse-riding or clay pigeon-shooting.

Anyway - some GOOD shows next week from Monday on.

I love you.


Tuesday, March 28, 2006

TuesMar28 Nikki Hayes Sucks...

If you take everything I say so seriously that you send nasty messages to another DJ then: walk off your nearest pier. Go on.

Apologies to Nikki for the dumb few bastards that took my light-hearted slagging seriously and started harassing her. Sorry, Nickster: I take on a few dumb listeners a week for community service.

Of course, Nikki Hayes does not suck and she's a sweetheart. Let her know by emailing "Foley loves you Nikki" to

Right, I'm off to pick a fight with Larry Gogan...


Sunday, March 26, 2006

SunMar26 Ray Pee...

James Malone has made Ray & JP's lovechild:

That's some scary shit, man.


Thursday, March 23, 2006

WedMar22 What's Your Problem?

As expected, we did get a few complaints tonight from people taking our "Batins for Ratins" campaign a little too seriously.

One person said we should be ashamed of ourselves for giving people the excuse to bully people, to which we replied that you'd need to be a complete moron to actually do what we tell you, and morons do not listen to the show.

To which we got "but most of your listeners are young people, and they don't know that it's only a joke".


Who the fuck are you to say young people are dumb? You twat! You dumb twat. I have your address, and I'm gonna call round and smack you one, you patronising, condescending twat. So people that are "young" need only a DJ to say "smack someone" and they're so thick they'll do it? What planet do you live on?

That's half of what's wrong with "grown-ups" in this country. They think if you're young, you're dumb. And are you? You managed to "log on to that interweb thing" all on your own - something most over-forties are still unable to do. Rise up and take no shit, young people. Don't wait to be given the credit you deserve - take it.

And beat the shit out of anyone who doesn't listen to my show.


Wednesday, March 22, 2006

TuesMar21 Beating The Shit Out Of The Opposition...

Yes, indeed kids - we're on the verge of something big now, with a new work ethic on the show kicking in from this week: I'm on a diet, I'm "working" harder, the pod-Blast launches very soon, we've got brilliant music on every night, and we've just started a huge new campaign!

Yeah, yeah - we've had campaigns before. Anyone remember "Justice for JP"? Me neither. And what about "Don't Just Tell A Friend... Tell EVERYONE!". Yawn. No, our new camapign is about to knock your socks off and seven shades of shit out of you. It's called:

Batin's For Ratin's!!!

The rhyme loses some of the effect when written. Pronounce it baytins for ratin's. As in, beatings for ratings. And here's how it'll work. You get us more listeners by physically hurting someone who doesn't listen to the show, forcing them to start tuning in. Questions anyone?

Is that not bullying? We like to avoid words like bullying or torture. Instead, you'll be showing an enterprising spirit which will stand to you in a career in media or marketing.

Can we kill someone? No. We need listeners, not dead bodies. And 2FM have that market cornered.

Are you responsible if anyone gets really hurt? As much as we'd love to cover any mishaps that may occur in the course of your work, we're afraid that no, we won't be liable. We are taking the piss, after all.

What are the rules? The rules are: THERE ARE NO RULES! Oh, the death one. Cutting off body parts is probably a no-no.

What do we do? We've already been working on some ideas:
  • Chinese burns
  • Dead arms
  • Dead legs
  • Nipple Twisters
  • Bitch-slaps
Look, you're a creative young person - just riff on this general theme. Avoid dirty looks or bitchy comments. There is a line, after all.

Get out there and get us a pay-rise!


In other news, I've hooked up my Audioscrobbler to the website, so you can see what I'm listening to at home. Look over there to the right - >>>>
It's pretty cool, but also pretty scary. Everyone'll be able to see me enjoying my Spice Girls, Ace of Base, and Will Smith music collection online.


Over on Bebo (sorry Myspace people!) I've been getting some requests for a revival of The Bitches Box of Shite.

When the show was in it's infancy and JP was known as my "bitch", we had a box of shite, which we'd delve into each night. Anyway, we're not going to revive it. The show then was, as one wanker at the time (you know who you are) put: "a jaunty mixture of schoolboy swearing, "chhhhhott choons"... exceptionally poor "rapport" with his stooge, & some truly lame audience interaction".


Anyway, we've moved on from that sad time in our broadcast history, but don't be disappointed: we've brought it back for an exclusive web-only once-off and re-recorded it for your PC or mp3 player. Hear the full thing
on the best bits page from Wednesday on... It's the kind of stuff you'll get in the pod-Blast every Friday, so have a taste now. If it's there.

Get around the Bebo ban in your school or college! Text!

Guys you can work round that ban- the smart heads go to its a sneaky way to hide whatever website ur at - trick the server! Jennifer
Thanks, Jennifer!



Tuesday, March 21, 2006

MonMar20 Squeal Piggy, Squeal...

I've got the conch! Yes kids I hate to admit it, but I'm going on a diet. Over the next month, I'll be undertaking an exercise of... well, exercise.

By the way, well done to those of you who know what I'm on about with the conch thing.

Yes, even us most humble of pop "deejays" have our humble literary ambitions.

Anyway, I wanna lose a stone. No big deal. In the past couple of years, I've managed to drop 2 stone from my hefty bulk, but that last one is the sticky one: it's the few beers after the show; it's the KFC on a Saturday; it's the small African nation in one sitting.

So, here I am. On this website, I'll update you with my "progress" between now and May 1st - and you can see if one fat bastard can become... less of a fat bastard.

Check out this freaky art. It's art. But freaky.

We had a bit of a falling-off of site visits last week. Don't know why, but numbers of indicidual visits fell under 2,000 a week for the first time in a while. What were you doing? Visiting D'arcy's page or something? Anyway, we're back up at just under 3k again, so welcome to the few there at the back.

And new music for the Blast this week:


Oh, yeah. Part 1 of Fat-Bastard-Watch: tonight, I weigh 14 stones exactly. 13 is to be my lucky number.


Thursday, March 16, 2006

ThuMar16 Anorak...


n : a kind of heavy jacket (`windcheater' is a British term) [syn: parka, windbreaker, windcheater]

Yes yes, the anoraks are important for keeping you snug on snowy Spring days (look out the friggin' window) but of course, the term anorak has another meaning. According to wikipedia:

In British slang, anorak has come to mean "geek" or "nerd." It stems from the use of anoraks (a type of rain jacket) by train spotters, and eventually came to be used to refer to anyone with an unfathomable interest in trivial information regarded as boring by the rest of the population—aided by the intuition that only a geek would wear something so terminally unfashionable.

The word can be qualified by the area in which the person takes an (implied) excessive interest; for example, a "radio anorak" would be someone who found the world of radio broadcasting fascinating.

Fascinting stuff, no? But wait, it gets better. Did you know, it all started with radio?

It was reportedly derived from the weatherproof upper clothing worn by enthusiasts of offshore radio who would, despite their lack of familiarity with maritime life, sometimes travel from British ports in small boats to visit the ships from which their outcast heroes broadcast during the 1967–76 period. The collective impression of their brightly coloured garments in the coastal murk of the North Sea was presumably memorable to the crews of those "pirate ships" who had restricted contact with the mainland due to the Marine Broadcasting Offences Act and the visits might have had an important morale-boosting role, although the wearers of the garments might often have regretted the discomfort of those sea-tossed journeys. In rough weather the anoraks were far more visible than their distressed wearers; hence they were identified by the style of their outer garments. The term was reportedly coined by Andy Archer, a disc jockey of the period.

I was on the Bebo page of a cool girl I used to be on pirate radio with a few years ago called Mel Byrne - she's as much of an anorak as I am. Anyway, flicking through her anorak photo gallery, I found the image of me broadcasting from a pirate station studio that I'll look back on when I'm 75, turn to my elderly wife and say "God, wasn't I a ride back then?"...

To which she'll reply "Fuck, no".


ThurMar16 Awww...

2FM's hussy, er, I mean husky-voiced female Nikki Hayes (real name?) emailed me this pic of me & her a while ago - from the time before we hated eachother because we work in rival stations. It was taken around 2000 - I think. Correct me if I'm wrong. Anyway, she thought it'd look good for me to show that I was once skinny before I was fat. Thankfully someone was there with a camera for that half-hour.

And before you ask no, we were not an item. Though it wasn't for the lack of trying.

On her part.

And the game? Oh, it's so over:

Right, instead of playing with my balls on the internet, I'm off to play Black.

Oh, and I nearly forgot. Here's that pic of Rihanna we were looking at:



Wednesday, March 15, 2006

WedMar15 Big In The USA...

Was just flicking through my old photos, and here's one of me in New York, in January 2004. I was going through a "big fat wanker" phase. Now I'm neither big nor fat but... well, you do the math.

I look like I'm wearing a friggin' fat suit!

Bad news on the Pod-Blast! It's been held-up for a couple of weeks due to technical issues with Apple, but we will be assaulting your mp3 players very soon. In fact, we've come up with a few more ideas which should make our podcasts something quite special indeed...

Went for a game of pool after the show with JP and Phunky Phone Boy Alan:

Just thought the pictures look cool. I've decided to bring my digital camera with me when I go out in future. What's the point in spending like, €400 on a piece of equipment I never use, when I end up using the crappy camera phone for the website? So, the cool camera will be used from now on. I'll be in a street near you, looking like a tourist.

And don't forget the BEBO! New high score on the game:

Bring it on, suckaz! Check it out:



Tuesday, March 14, 2006

TueMar14 Latest Score...

TueMar14 One-Track Mind...

I got a text from my brother this morning:

"Was just sittin directly opposite the girl from the Opportunities '06 posters on the bus for the last 20 mins. Its all real-couldn't stop starin' at her. Ha ha."

Lucky sod.

Click here to see her again...


TueMar14 Waste Of Your Day...

In college? Work? School? Bored? Nothing to do but look at porn you know is wrong but can't help but keep looking? Now The Blast! gives you the answer.

Just head on over to and play keepy-uppies on the flash box.

My personal best at the moment is 64...

 Posted by Picasa

MonMar13 Jinny Killy On Da Tilly... (Part 2)

Well, somebody's reading here!

They've fixed the website, and the show seems... planned!

Again Aoife Ní Thuairisg is brill, and again: what colour is Gavin Lambe Murphy?

To conduct a more scientific analysis of his odd face tones, take the following picture:

And compare Gav's face:

To his whiter-than-white hands:


And they remember their English quick enough when they want your text money! But it's all for charidee, and Jenny's chosen charidee is Debra Ireland, so dig deep.

We start podcasting next week, for the Blastards who can't do without a fresh dose over the weekend: it'll be known as The Pod-Blast! We'll record it on Thursday nights directly after the show at midnight, so if you want to get in touch and make it to the 'cast - call or text us on the usual numbers between 12 and 12.30am, Friday morning. But you won't hear it 'til you download.

Call: 1850 715 100
Text: 0854 100 102

Tell yer friends. Nah, scrap that: tell EVERYONE!


Monday, March 13, 2006

SunMar12 Jinny Killy On Da Tilly...

Oh, sexy...

Steady on, Jen.

Jenny's taking part in TG4's "Ní Gaeilgeoir Mé", where a bunch of "celebs" learn Irish for a week, in aid of charidee. Aside from the whole thing coming across like something a pair of transition-year work-experience kids put together during morning break (even the webpage is a sham - try clicking on Jenny's name), the bits where the "celebs" have a laugh with eachother are quite entertaining.

Question: what colour is Gavin-Lambe-Murphy?

Yes Gavin, a model what?

And fair play to the real star of the show, Aoife Ní Thuairisg, who holds the whole thing together in the face of total adversity.
Here, she's giving some first-year film student a bollicking:

Until the producer tells her she's on air:

I think she's great.

And well done to Jenny, who's drawing a DJ:

(Inappropriate comments about size and hair colour left out) ; )

It's on TG4 every night this week while we're on the air - but of course, you'll tape it while you listen to us. Repeats are on between 1 and 2am.


Thursday, March 09, 2006

TuesMar08 Dammit!

Don't you even think about moving, you sonovabitch!

I've been O-D-ing on Jack Bauer all week, catching up on day 5 of 24. I watched the first season, and started the second, but thought it was crap so abandoned Jack for the past couple of years, but now I'm back and firmly hooked. And now he's even on the show! What the hell do you mean, you missed last night? Dammit, you sonovabitch!

Somewhere around the web I spotted the Jack Bauer Friendster page. Also, along the lines of the overdone "Chuck Norris is so hard" gags, the Top 100 Jack Bauer Facts, including
  • Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer
  • On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
  • Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
  • You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
  • Jack Bauer's house has an alarm system -- not to warn Jack of intruders, but to warn the intruders of Jack.
  • Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead."
  • Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
  • The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
  • If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
Go and look at the page for yourself, you sonovabitch!

He even has a wikipedia page dedicated to him (not the actor, the character).

It's been a busy week - I'll be keeping the updates as daily as I can...

More tonight from 10!


Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Blast! Music - 7th March

Arctic Monkeys – When The Sun Goes Down
Bell X1 – Flame
Beyonce/Destiny’s Child – Check On It
Black Eyed Peas – Pump It
Bow Wow ft Ciara – Like You
Eminem – Shake That
Fall Out Boy – Dance Dance
Franz Ferdinand – The Fallen
Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
Gwen Stefani - Crash
Kanye West – Touch The Sky
Kelly Clarkson – Walk Away
Madonna – Sorry
Meck – Thunder In My Heart Again
Ne-Yo – So Sick
Orson – No Tomorrow
Pink – Stupid Girls
Pussycat Dolls – Beep
Rihanna – S.O.S.
Streets – When You Wasn’t Famous
Studio B – C’Mon Get It On
Sugababes – Red Dress

Monday, March 06, 2006

SunMar05 JayPee'sTee...

Who looks like a wally?

JP looks like a wally!

Music update on the way tomorrow.

More fun 'n' stuff from 10! Tell your frickin' friends!


Friday, March 03, 2006

ThuMar02 Once You Go Black...

I've already wasted several hours playing the spiffing new first-person-shooter from Criterion games:

And I'll be wasting many more over the weekend. It's bloody good, but the shots for the Xbox360 look absolutely perfect... makes me wish Sony would pull their collective fingers outta their collective holes and release the PS3 already!

And we're going out for some laughs at the laughter lounge on Saturday. It should be a... laugh.

Talk Sunday night from 10pm - have a good one!


Thursday, March 02, 2006

WedMar01 More Crap From My Inbox...

Remember "Dinosaurs!"?

It was like the Simpsons, only well, with Dinosaurs. They never released it on DVD. I'm still waiting...

Oh, how cynical. Not that Rowling gives a toss...

And the best use I've yet seen for a cat. Dirty self-licking lickers...

Anyway, I'm off to bed.

Last show of week tonight from 10...


WedMar01 Pancake-Off!!!

Who makes the best pancakes, Ray or JP? Yes, it is a gay argument - made even more gay by a PANCAKE-OFF!

We make a pancake each for our impartial judge, funky-phone-boy Alan. We call him that to piss him off. Look, here he is now - with some of a pancake!

After careful (and somewhat drawn-out) deliberation, Al decides JP's pancakes are (and I quote) "too rubbery". The crown of "tosser of the year" goes to me...

Mmmm - pancakey goodness!

Look kids - here's what a loser looks like!

Yeah, we were a day late. Tomorrow night we'll do who makes the best ash.


WedMar01 I Predict...

(Yes, it's the most over-used song-title since last weekend, but I've started, so I'll finish)

...A Riot!

You've probably already seen these pics: they've been floating around the web for the past few days - put together by someone who is clearly a hugely talented photo-shopper:

And from the talented to the, well, less-talented. We've been trying to re-create our profile pic. We took the one you're used to during the summer, when I had a tan and long hair. Now, I have spots and an extra chin.

We're working on better pictures. Actually, if you're the talented photo-shopper from above: we need a miracle-worker!



WedMar01 Ash Wednesday...

Meet JP:

JP got his ashes today:

But his priest likes to have a laugh:

And sometimes he can go too far: